With all the support in the world - my incredible family, a group I attend on Tuesdays, online group for women up and down the county, plus more medics than you could ask for... I still feel like I would like someone to "go through" this with. Someone at exactly the kind and stage with the same mets and the same meds - just so I can say - is this normal? Should we be this tired / sore / grumpy? I feel like I spend a lot of my time wondering what's normal - the problem is that everything is normal. Everything is accepted and I don't know how to pick a standard to aim for.
Fatigue and tiredness. Aches and pains. Chemo brain, loss of concentration, lack of interest. These are all things I have and sometimes fight - sometimes worry over and sometimes give in to completely. I wish I had a twin - or a clone? Who I could say, "if we push ourselves today, will we regret it?" and watch her go ahead to test. Can she concentrate on reading? Am I just being lazy or is it a real symptom of the chemo?
What's normal? Everything - that's what you're told when it's cancer. You're going through a very tough time, treatment - even well-tolerated is tough on the body and mind. Live day-to-day. Give yourself a break. Worry less.
I do. I worry less than I ever have. My mental health is better than ever and I can't remember feeling angry about anything for a long time. But I'm 32 and that: that isn't normal.
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